and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
