How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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