Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
