there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
