would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
