I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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