so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
