i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
