Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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