I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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