We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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