I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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