In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
