I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
