I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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