babies were throwing up all over the place
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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