it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I love having hate sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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