Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
