He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
