i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she peed on how many people?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
