You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
