I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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