fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
