don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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