i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
