Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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