wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
