i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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