grandma shit on top of the toilet
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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