She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
