So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
