I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
