so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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