thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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