just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
