My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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