i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
