don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize