i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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