She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
