tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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