I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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