You smell like a Billy Joel song
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize