Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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