Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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