I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize