i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize