she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Shame - the story of my life.
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