help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
