And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
