we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
