I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
