I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
