Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
