And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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