A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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