Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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