Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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