today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
