i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
