i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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