so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
