I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
