Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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