So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
