i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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